I feel like I sometimes live life on preservatives.
I’m home. I’m back in north america, or what I used to know as home and hopefully still do.
I feel different but I don’t see different. I’ve been here for three weeks, trying to adjust my body to a different time, to different foods, and funny enough trying to adjust myself to what I had been used to.
what am I doing? I am trying to adjust back to what I am used to?! what am I used to?
everything has changed but everything is the same. 3 weeks ago I was on my way to new brunswick from Bangkok, a place I guess that few people from new brunswick have been. 8 weeks ago I was in a rainforest, and I slept in a house with an old man who spoke only Malay and offered us nescafe 3 in 1 and cookies and biscuits. now I am in my room, checking facebook for messages and preparing for summer in alberta. time has lapsed 10 weeks since I was in my room, checking for facebook messages and trying to prepare myself for southeast asia.
3weeks, 8 weeks, 10 weeks. what does time do? I am still myself from one moment to the next. what I decide to do carries on with me into the next moment and continues, yet I am the same person who was here 10 weeks ago. but I am a different person. I’ve written assignments on what I’ve experienced and learned while on my term on Southeast Asia, and I have learned much about the history and culture of people and places that were previously unknown to me.
how has this changed me? how has this made me a different person? the history, the culture, the communities, the food, the homestays, my classmates. I have grown closer to people. I hope. I’ve been learning over the past few months that people are not something to be afraid of. but rather it is not knowing people that brings fear. I’ve also been learning that time is something to be less afraid of. it is through the passage of time that growth happens. rather it is not being available to live and grow in the passage of time that brings fear.
I’ve been finding new joy in the people around me and the days as they come and go. I have a greater appreciation for each person as I get to know them better. And I hope that I will find I’m learning to live less on preservatives. I don’t want to be kept in the same place and in the same state.
“As I see the day stretched before me
in all of its mystery and predictability
I give it to You
and ask that You would walk with me
through the minutes and hours
keeping me awake and available
and to whomever will cross my path”
~ from morning prayer by Joel Mason